The Wait is Sexy

Disclaimer: this is not a relationship post, if you are looking for love advice, look somewhere else.

I mentally cringed as I typed the title for this post. It sounds cheesy. And corny too. I know.

Cheesy or not though, I am sticking with it.

So, this post was born out of a TEDx video I watched a couple of days back. There I was, minding my own pretty little business, listening to Wendy spill some tea on YouTube, when this video caught my attention, or rather a couple of videos at the side of the one I was watching. They were all TEDx videos, I briefly went through them and stuck with Yvonne because yeah, her name was Nigerian (Yvonne Orji), and I’m like ok, lemme see what she’s on about. And then, for the next fifteen minutes or thereabouts, I found myself laughing to tears and till my sides genuinely hurt. Yvonne Girrrl, where have you been all my life? Why you so funny though?

This video did it for me. Yvonne somehow voiced all or most of the thoughts that are in my head. There is just something about having your standards and sticking to them. You shouldn’t feel like there is something wrong with you, there’s not. Do not feel the need to “compromise” or to dumb yourself down just so he likes you a little better. No! if he can’t deal with the real you, then he can exit stage left.

Yvonne is a successful, accomplished woman, smart, funny and beautiful. I’m so happy when I see people like this, who remind us that it is okay to be a “Diana in a world full of Kardashians” (I’m sure y’all get the point). Oh!, and it is totally cool to love Jesus, you are not a religious freak. Nope! you’re not. There Yvonne was talking about Jesus, standards and waiting all in one breath, wait, hold up? Is she real? Do such rare creatures still walk the earth? This was a long, deep, breath of fresh air.

Here are some of the hard home truths Yvonne made in her talk:

1. Wait on the person who sees you for you and loves you regardless.

“Find somebody who’s willing to get ugly with you down in the mud”

– Yvonne Orji

Click to tweet

That person who’s willing and ready to accommodate all excesses, bad, good and reckless behavior. (Cue: anyone want a funny, Jesus-loving, strong-willed, crazy girl? I’m here, Lol).

2. Wait on the one who sees value in what you value.

Truer words have never been spoken. Yeah, the chemistry is great, the butterflies in your tummy are having a flutter party, but are you guys on the same page concerning those things that matter the most to you?

“See, I don’t get mad if someone does not like me for me, you’re just not the one for me”

-Yvonne Orji

3. Wait on purpose and not in fear.

Yeah, those voices can be pretty loud sometimes, the ones from friends, family, colleagues, the unsolicited and even most times the loudest voice is that one that’s inside of us. Yep. What are you still waiting for? You are ripe for marriage, (Cue: Mango season), you’re not getting younger, blah blah blah. Eh, we know. Thank you.

Your timing is different. Just trust God in the wait. Don’t let fear of the unknown or tomorrow overwhelm you.

4. Wait on the one who makes you a priority.

“People make time for what’s important to them”.

This swings both ways, I do not think it’s okay for the girl to sit pretty and expect him to do all the work. Yes! He should make you THE priority (not A priority) in his life, but so should you. Men desire/need to feel special too. I believe relationships should be a 100/100 not 50/50. 100% of me, 100% of you. No in-between. There has to be a balance.

“Let’s not excuse unexcusable behavior”.

-Yvonne Orji

This is so powerful. Stop making up those damn excuses for their sloppy behaviors.

5. Wait on the one who meets your standards.

“People who can’t meet your standards feel the need to diminish them”.

-Yvonne Orji

Click to tweet

Know your own standards and set them for yourself. Anyone who can’t keep up is permitted to take several seats back and watch the race.

So there you have it, Yvonne’s nuggets on the “Wait is Sexy”.

The wait doesn’t disappoint. Hope against all hope, Fight the good fight, run the race and keep the faith!

Watch the full video here.

Image credit: IssueMagazine

TIDES AND TIME

It’s 1:45 a.m., and I’ve just made myself a steamy mug of coffee. Isn’t that weird? Waking up in the middle of the night to drink coffee. For me it’s a norm anyway.

It’s one of those nights when sleep evades me, and no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I fluff up my pillows, toss and turn or snuggle deep into my duvet, sleep still never comes.

I think to myself, why not put this “awakeness” into good use? For some strange reason, I’ve been hesitant to write. No, more afraid than hesitant I think. I have quite a few unfinished articles sitting in my folder. I start off so well (I think), and halfway through, I’m plagued by a serious case of doubt; I ask myself, who wants to read this anyway? And so, I stop writing and put it away. Deep sigh! Hopefully, this will see the light of day.

Tides and Time. There’s a popular saying; “Time waits for no man”, if you ask me, I’d say “Tides and time wait for no man”. Picture a surfer on the beach, holding on to his surf board and waiting for that big wave to ride. Smaller waves come in, but that’s not the kind of wave he can ride on, so he stands waiting and say for some reason he gets tired of waiting or steps away for a moment and when he’s gone, the waves come in and he misses it. Those tides don’t come in every time of the day, they usually do so at intervals, and when he misses one, he ‘ll have you wait for the next one.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing that he missed one tide and has to wait for the next, but sometimes, the next tide might not be as big as the previous one or it just might not come in again before he leaves the beach.

In all of these ramblings, the point I’m trying to make is that sometimes in life, we miss our tides. These tides represent a moment we should have seized and owned, a moment we should have surfed and basked in. This might have been a defining moment in life or just one of those moments that teach us a valuable lesson. Missing a tide does not mean you have missed your moment in life or that you won’t ever be able to get it right again, it might just mean having to go back to the beach some other time, which is having to put in extra effort or starting over at something in order to get it right or perhaps just waiting for the next tide, hoping that it comes in soon enough.

 

“Missing a tide does not mean you have missed your moment in life”

 

For the surfer, he has to be watchful for the next tide and ready to spring into action when it comes, and for you, you have to be ready to seize your moment the second time around. This requires a conscious effort on your part, it requires dedication and commitment.

 

“You have to be ready to seize your moment the second time around.” 

 

If you have missed a tide, don’t worry, the second time around you won’t, because you’ll be prepared.

Until the next tide, cheers.

 

What Bugs Me List

In my former life when I used to be a teacher, I remember teaching poetry to my second grade students either in second or third term,  and there was this particular topic “What Bugs Me List’’ that was quite fascinating. It was about writing all the things that bug you, which was just basically an avenue for the kids to vent in a sane way about things they don’t like.

Trust me the fun part of this was not in teaching it, but in reading what these kids wrote in their homework. It was hilarious and comedic.

It usually went like this;

What Bugs Me List….

When my mummy wakes me up in the morning to go to school and I don’t want to go to school

When my older brother does not want me to play with his toys

When the nanny keeps forcing me to finish my food and I don’t want to eat anymore

When my teacher gives me homework during the weekend and all I want to do is play (away your life perhaps?)

The list usually goes on and on and on, which each kid having his or her own unique complaint.

So today I was feeling a bit angry as I closed from work, and on the way back home I thought of this poem and said to myself, “why not vent in a sane way?”

And so ladies and gentlemen, I have compiled a not so comprehensive list of the things that bug me right now.

What Bugs Me List…. (Adult Version)

Sigh, where do I begin?

Firstly, what bugs me right now is that my cousin has given me a cold that has left me feeling feverish and miserable

source: Pinterest

It’s when my boss calls me a hundred times a day to do simple things on MS word and e-mail, like seriously, how have you come this far in your career?

source: CBS

It’s when that creepy guy on my office floor expects me to bat my lashes and smile at him because he told me I’m looking “sweet” (barfs)

It’s when those same people that voted for Buhari are the ones screaming the loudest at the current state of the economy (calm down, change is a gradual process abi?)

It’s when I listened to that myopic man diss the current Minister of Finance, Kemi Adeosun because she fixed “Brazilian hair”. He says she looks like a club girl, that does she know what she’s saying? (I kid you not brethren)

It’s when I have no control over some certain things in life (I like to be in control)

It’s those internet trolls that won’t leave Uche Jombo alone because of her size

It’s that Warner Bros has chosen to release the Harry Potter prequel, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them all the way in November (Haba, what is wrong with May or June? Bad as e bad sef, oya July)

It’s when PHCN does not have the conscience to give light even for 1 hour in a whole week (A whole week! Buhari, I hail your government)

Oh! And how could I forget? It’s the crappy customer service I receive from my ISP and mobile phone network company (I will politely not mention names)

See, I feel better already now that I’ve gotten this off my chest. Venting can be good at times, just vent in a “sane way”.

                                                    Till next time, stay cool.

Cinderfella

Image source: http://www.newparadiselaboratories.org

We all know the story about Cinderella right?

Poor girl, mistreated and abused by the wicked step mum and sisters, miraculously got a chance to attend a royal ball, met Prince Charming and voila! All is well. Ring a bell?

So what happens when you have a guy playing the role of Cinderella?  What you get is a Cinderfella with a whole lot of drama! (oh! it’s a fairy tale quite alright, just with a happily-never-after).

Just in case your mind hasn’t fully grasped this concept yet….lemme break it down for you.

In the words of Michelle Martin of the Huffington Post, who coined the term;

“A Cinderfella is the middle-aged SINGLE man with an insatiable hunger for intense emotional and physical intimacy. Cinderfellas want passion! They want fireworks! They want to feel alive! They want to be rescued from their loneliness wastelands! And they want it all by the second or third date.”

And guess what?  As soon as that insatiable hunger is satisfied, as soon as the fireworks have died down, they are onto the next one seeking a new adventure. You see, just like in the case of Cinderella, Cinderfella’s see you as the fairy godmother and every female who might have wronged them as the wicked step mum and sisters. And they are looking for you to come rescue them.

Image source: Pinterest

Trust me there are a lot of them out there.

I think we have all met a Cinderfella at one point in our lives, you know….those guys you meet that start downloading personal details about themselves within five minutes? They say things like, “I usually don’t talk much about myself but I don’t know why I feel so comfortable with you” or “there’s just something about you that makes me feel I can trust you’’ (all na wash).

All of these is in a bid to get you to start feeling sorry for them, it’s a tactic. Ex-girlfriends are portrayed as a fine mix between Jezebel and Cruella. They want you AKA “The fairy godmother” to soothe away the hurt they might be feeling, they are intense. From day one, some might already start trying to hold you, smooth your hair, play all nice….some might even be bold enough to try and kiss you on the first day! No jokes. These guys don’t understand propriety.

The thing is this, Cinderfella’s don’t care about your emotions or you, they are like emotional drug addicts, they just want that high that comes from the chase and the whirlwind romance that will follow. As soon as they get that, they are gone faster that you can say your name and all that’s left is a broken heart (guess whose? not them for sure), because they don’t exactly do long term.

Here are some tips for identifying a Cinderfella,

1. They’re suave, smooth talking…..they have the ability to confuse you with the gibberish spilling out of their mouth.
2. They invade your personal space within minutes of meeting you, they can’t keep a safe distance.
3. They tell you all their family saga, dirty secrets et al (most of it probably lies)
4. You don’t feel entirely comfortable with them (but you’re flattered by the attention).
5. They tell you how they don’t / can never trust a woman in their life again but you seem different (at this point, I suggest that you flee the crime scene).
6. Within a few days of knowing them, you’ve already caught them in a lie.
7. They are quick to proclaim the L word (hey…shuuuussshhhhh). They might not out-rightly come out and say they love you but its insinuated that they just might.
8. They are dramatic.

There’s a whole let more, but I’ll let you figure them out yourself.

 

P.S Don’t feel bad guys, this is just for fun. But if it makes you feel any better, females can be this way too and when they are, they are known as a “Cinderlady”……lol

 

Slum2School Africa – 2015 Fundraising campaign. #MyAfricanDream

Slum2School Africa – 2015 Fundraising campaign. #MyAfricanDream.

CLAIRE IDERA: THE ILLUSTRATOR

Fashion is architecture; it is a matter of proportions.

Coco Chanel

Art has never failed to impress me. Fashion Illustrator Claire Idera is one with an eye for detail and a flair for creating beautiful and exceptional illustrations. Claire’s passion for drawing started right from childhood and over the years it is a skill she has honed into pure perfection.  Claire’s talent is to capture the details and make them stunning and real through vivid colors and gentle strokes. She is organizing a fashion illustration workshop this month here in Lagos, she talks about what to expect.

What do you get when art meets fashion? Claire of course! Read up on her amazing interview with us.

EO: Tell us a bit about yourself…

Claire: My name is Eniola Iderawumi Claire, I’m a fashion illustrator/ artist and entrepreneur. I studied architecture. My Fashion Illustrations have always helped in expressing my view on fashion.

EO: Illustrating is like the sleekest job ever, with all the mix of colors, art and fashion, but I know it’s more than meets the eye. Tell us a bit more about what it takes to bring an illustration/design to life. What is your creation process?

Claire: Yes it’s completely sleek! It is a dream job I never thought existed until I started and I am self-taught. My creation process involves a bit of research then I go from pencil to whatever media I feel would be perfect.

EO: Do you think the Nigerian fashion industry has fully embraced the role of fashion illustrators in bringing their designs to life?

Claire: We are getting there I guess. When I started I felt like an island but I’m glad it is being embraced and understood now. Fashion illustration involves a lot more than sketching designs before they are made. I love anything ethereal and feminine.

EO: Who are your muses/subjects?

Claire: When starting an illustration, I look for reference images, depending on what I want to achieve, then I work round the image, converting it to what suits me or the client. Most of my work is done traditionally (i.e. with hand) the rest are digital painting. I love mixing mediums like ink, graphite and watercolor.

EO: What inspires you/what’s been your challenge?

Claire: I’m inspired by creatives who go above the ordinary.

EO: Have you worked with any fashion designers?

Claire:  As I mentioned earlier, the fashion illustration industry in Nigeria is really at a delicate stage and I want to play a part in helping us develop and also to keep us aware of the artistic aspect of fashion. Personally, I am currently working on major project one of which is the Fashion Illustration Workshop Lagos which comes up this June, I am extremely excited about it too. I have worked with Eve and Tribe, Kene Rapu, Moofa and some others.

EO: You regularly attend fashion shows, which (to those who don’t work in fashion) seems very glamorous. Is it? What’s your usual fashion show experience like?

Claire: Fashion shows are really glamorous to those who are completely enthusiasts. I love being backstage because of the energy and chaos. Seeing the end product of 6 months of hard work from designers is a great inspiration for me. Last year at the Lagos Fashion and Design Week, I illustrated the garments as they came down the runway while the show was going on. I had sketches of the backstage drama, the street style by the guests and designers and also fascinating sights. It was most amazing. 

EO: What qualities do fashion illustrations have that photographs or film don’t?

Claire: As we know, before the invention of the camera, artists have always been the contact for all visual representations. The feel of abstraction and loose lines is the selling point for illustrations. Art provokes emotions and vibes that photography may not.

EO: Are there any fashion illustrators that you admire?

Claire: Yes! I’m deeply in love with Meagan Morrison, Paperfashion, Afavaloro and some other amazing artists.

EO: What should intending participants expect from your fashion illustration class? Tell us a bit about what to expect.

Claire: Intending participants of the fashion illustration workshop should expect to learn everything in the course curriculum which includes, the 9 heads method, poses, design process, moodboard creation, understanding the basics of fashion art and other things. They will experiment with different art mediums. It will be a fun session for all intending students. However, art can only develop and become better through practice. I won’t be waving a magic wand on my students. Haha!

 

 

 

EO: Any advice for others who are pursuing a career in this field?

Claire: My advice to everyone pursuing a career in fashion illustration is to be consistent in your art and never be pressurized by other people’s art, just do you!

EO: Now for our totally random question…if you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Claire: Hahaha! Very random! Umm, I will be cobalt blue.

 

For inquiries about the fashion illustration classes, you can contact Claire: claireidera@gmail.com

@ClaireIdera

 

Kene Rapu Store Launch + Shopping Party

Hi there fashion lovers. There’s something exciting going down this weekend! It’s the official store launch of Kene Rapu, an indigenous self-named label owned by Kene Rapu. Catch my interview with her here: Kene Rapu

Kene Rapu Enterprise is positioned to be an integral part of the value chain in the Nigerian fashion industry. The company was founded in October 2011 by Kene Rapu. Kene is a fully qualified lawyer, who also holds a Master’s Degree in Fashion Entrepreneurship, from the London College of Fashion, UK. She has always had a fervent passion for fashion and the growth of the Nigerian fashion industry. Her love for fashion, eye for detail and creative nature inspired her to start the company.

The Kene Rapu brand has grown tremendously since its inception. There have been collaborations with other fashion brands like Orange Culture and Yasser Claud-Ennin who is a talented up and coming artist based in Nigeria.

This weekend, on Sunday the 21st, there’s going to be a store launch + shopping party at No 1A, Olajide George Street, Lekki Phase 1, Lagos. This is going to be the first walk-in store for Kene Rapu products.

So my fellow fashion lovers, come mix, mingle, shop and party with fellow fashion lovers as it promises to be loads of fun.

Click to read the official press release: Store launch official press release

www.kenerapu.com

T.O.K.E

I just had to write this.

First of all, I must say that I agree that I am the director of LASTMA. I should be abreast of all social media happenings, I had absolutely no idea of “The Toke Makinwa story”. Yes, I decided to italicize that because it is a serious issue.

For those of you who do not know the gist yet, this is it….news broke over the weekend that popular radio and TV personality Toke Makinwa Ayida’s husband, Maje Ayida whom she has been married to for about a year and a half, was having an affair and that the woman in question was actually pregnant with his child. A real messy situation if you ask me. Toke has a weekly vlog “Toke Moments” which is released every Wednesday on YouTube and has become a favorite amongst fans both in Nigeria and in other parts of the world.

Like seriously, no woman wants to be caught in this situation ever! As women, no matter how shady our pasts might have been or however pious and understanding we might be, one thing I believe we all agree on is total commitment and faithfulness from our men!

After the news broke, of course social media went crazy. I have been catching up on all the tweets exchanged back and forth, and while a few people showed sympathy for Toke, she was being ridiculed by others, just because of the focus of her vlog and some of her tweets (for those of you lost at this point, please go to YouTube and watch a few episodes of Toke moments to catch on).

She basically talks about girly stuff on her vlog, how to find the right man, how to spot a cheater, how to spot a runs babe*, how to get married, how to sport a sharp babe, how to this and how to that. So you can understand the irony that with all the ‘’HOW TO’’ advice she gives, she gets caught up in a situation like this. And that’s why peeps were lashing out at her and ridiculing her, for the fact that she gave so many advises but her own house was on fire. Who cares if Toke has been posting ”feminist tweets” (as some people say) about how to keep your man and all that?

Now, here’s my take on this. Toke is just like every other girl or woman out there. She doesn’t have two heads or some super human power that makes her invulnerable to life’s issues. I believe that Toke had confidence in her man, I mean the fact that she’s married to him proves that, right? He screwed her up that’s all.

So many people are talking trash especially females and that’s what is driving me nuts! Gosh, some of all these females have more emotional baggage in their relationships that makes this Toke’s situation look like a page from a Disney book. Some of you all don’t only have husbands or boyfriends that have babies outside, you are also even the one cooking for the other baby mama just so he won’t leave you and yet you open your mouth and talk trash. We are all Toke (if you like carry your bible and begin to cast and bind saying it won’t happen to you, na u sabi).

My point is, it doesn’t necessarily have to be our husbands cheating or having babies with another woman but we have all been deeply hurt and disappointed by men we have chosen to be with just like Toke. I mean, did you guys see Beyoncé after she stepped out of that elevator after the Jay Z and Solange elevator fiasco? (If you have no idea what I am talking about, then I give you the title of Most Senior Director of LASTMA), she was smiling. If not for the video that surfaced, no one would have been wiser about what she had just been through. The thing is, it happens to the best of us (yeah, I can see you vigorously shaking your head and vouching for your man). No relationship is perfect, but life goes on. People weren’t expecting Toke to be on radio this morning doing her usual thing, they thought she’ll be buried under her duvet with red rimmed eyes and a box of tissues, truth is what was probably breaking news to us all, she already probably knew and has gotten past it. Toke has a lot going for her, she’s successful and has a lot of fans that support her and I doubt this is what it will take to bring her down.

You see, in the book of ‘Relationships’ written to the church at ‘Relatia’, it is stated that….oh yeah, that’s right, there’s no such book. There aren’t any hard and fast rules to relationships or marriages or what should be or shouldn’t be. Every relationship is different, so instead of being judgmental, why not focus and try making the best out of your relationship? Nothing in life is perfect, fantasies are different from reality. It’s the little moments that count and that’s what we should be grateful for. I believe Toke has had lots of precious little moments that’s she’s thankful for despite what has happened.

So take a chill pill haters. I applaud Toke for her calmness in this situation (at least she ain’t pulling no Blac Chyna stunts on twitter, calling undue attention to herself and all that).

*runs babe = a girl that goes out with men (or women) (mostly older) just for financial gains.

Life goes on.

“The Busy Bee Syndrome”

It’s easy to lose our sense of “self” in the chaos that is our daily lives. We are constantly knocked up, bruised and battered emotionally, physically and mentally by each day’s activities and even for those of us so inclined, our spiritual lives takes a fair share of beating too.
Our sense of trying to “over achieve” drowns us in a deep sea of striving and constant activity, all designed to make us become that “better self” we wish to be. We barely make out time for ourselves, not to even talk of the things that matter…..God, family and friends. Life’s little pleasures are lost to us; they become a distant foggy memory, we cannot even remember what we used to do for fun or what fun is anymore. We can’t remember who we use to be, our very essence becomes lost in an unforgiving world that just seems to demand and demand some more without giving anything back.

It’s easy to get caught up in the daily “hustle and bustle” and simply just forget to live for yourself.
I think it’s time we take a pause and just breathe and relax. It’s hard I know, you’re wondering where the time is, there’s work, there’s school, there’s this and there’s and that. But in the midst of it all, it’s essential that we take a break and get back to being us. “Reconnect with and rediscover yourself” and that which makes you truly happy.
Truth is, we just suffer from the “Busy Bee Syndrome”. It’s that need to achieve and then achieve some more, so in the process we get caught up in a roller coaster of activities that leave us no time to catch our breath. Emancipate yourself from the “too busy” mind-set and just let yourself live and enjoy life’s simple pleasures.

Get back to being you!

Image sources: Google

After a While

After a while you learn

The subtle difference between

Holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning

And company doesn’t always mean security.

And you begin to learn

That kisses aren’t contracts

and presents aren’t promises

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes ahead

With the grace of a woman

Not the grief of a child.

And you learn

To build all your roads on today

Because tomorrows’ ground is

Too uncertain for plans

And futures have a way

Of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn

That sunshine burns if you get too much

So you plant your own garden

And decorate your own soul

Instead of waiting

For someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn

That you really can  endure

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth

And you learn and you learn

With every goodbye you learn.

Veronica A. Shoffstall